Royal Apple Picking

Saturday the kids and I went to the Queen's country estate, Sandringham, to pick apples. It was great to get out of the house and we all had a lot of fun.

We still haven't walked around/in the estate and gardens. We'll save that for a time when Derek can go too. We did walk around the country park some though.

Depression

It is real, folks! For the longest time I've been being told "it's a made up disease. It's not real, if you think you are depressed just change your attitude. Mind over matter." I wish it were only that easy. I honestly can't pinpoint exactly when I knew I was depressed or thought I might be depressed. It was just fairly recently though that I finally came out and verbally told a few people that I thought I was. Though, it's more than a thought......I know I am. I also know that I need help. My marriage has been falling apart because of it. I've lost touch with friends because of it. I feel like I am losing touch with family members because of it. I feel like no one wants to be around me because of it. Though I try so hard to hide it, I'm sure it shines through. I hope that my "coming out" so to speak on here will be the next step in me finding the courage to seek the professional help I need. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I don't want to feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I want people to love me and love being around me. More importantly, I want to feel worthy of being loved. So that I can fully love someone back.

I know some people are sick/jealous/whatever you want to call it of the many trips we go on. Those trips.......are my escape. For whatever reason, when we go on these trips I'm able to forget about the depression. Not completely, but enough that I feel somewhat free. They mean a lot to me and it's nice to have that feeling, even if it's only for a while. I want so badly to feel like that all the time. To feel like my life has a purpose and to be a good mother to my children. Because right now I don't feel that I'm enough. I want my husband to love me again and I want to be able to love him back. I am truly grateful that he cares enough to stick beside me and work through things.

I don't think there are many people that read this blog. And that's okay. I've said time and time again, it's for our families records. I don't know if this is something that really needs to be written down for our records or not. This might be more just for me. I don't do much for myself. But writing this feels a bit freeing. It may be hard for some to understand. I just feel like I am that much closer to finding the courage and overcoming my fears and anxiety to seek the help I need. If anyone does read this, all I ask is for understanding. If you don't understand what depression is or how it can make someone feel I encourage you to look it up. If you know someone who is depressed or shows signs of depression, befriend them. I promise that is one thing they really want. They may not be the best at showing how much you mean to them but knowing that someone cares can really be all that they need to make it through the day.

I'm looking forward to having that light in my eyes again. If anyone does read this, feel free to pray for me! I could use anything and everything to help get the courage towards taking this next step.

The Lake District

Our Labor Day weekend trip! We changed our destination several times (we have a hard time making decisions!) but we are so happy with our choice. The Lake District was absolutely gorgeous and we had the best weather while we were there. We picked the kids up from school Friday afternoon and took off. It's about a 5-5.5 hour drive from our house so it was late and really dark by the time we finally made it to the cottage. It was kind of scary the next day to see the roads that we were driving........right along the lakes with really no protection from you driving in if you happened to slide of the road. The roads were SO windy too. I was nauseous every day that we drove on them....the only downside to the area and could quite possibly keep me from going back.

We did stop in the quaint little town of Knaresborough on the way there. It is close to another Air Force base here. The scenery is so much better there!!

The Cottage (The Old Post Cottage in Coniston)

There was a hot tub. We went in it 2 nights!

The first morning was a little rainy. I had researched some indoor places just in case of bad weather. I found this museum called A Puzzling Place. It's an optical illusion museum. It was so cool and we had a lot of fun there!

This room was our favorite!

The weather had actually cleared up before we got there and so glad we decided to go ahead and still go in. The city this was in was super cute! Keswick. If we go again we will definitely make this city or Ambelside our base. It was Saturday so there was a huge market. We walked around and then had lunch at a quaint little pub ---which was really yummy too. Then we set off for a hike. This hike was pretty brutal. I wasn't sure I was going to make it. SO STEEP! It was exhausting, but worth it.

The way down was much easier.

Quick stop to add to "Charlie's Monument". When Derek and I made this reference Allie was curious. We told her it was a really good book that she needed to read. I just saw today that she has dug it out and set it aside! :)

We stopped in the village of Patterdale next. I had read that it was a neat little place. Avery and Blake had fallen asleep though. Derek was super tired. So we just parked and Allie and I got out and walked around while everyone else slept. There really wasn't much. Most places were closed.

Dinner in Ambleside. The restaurant we chose actually ended up being gluten free & vegetarian but it was delish!

Day 2.

Lowther Castle

Broughton Castle

We had SO much fun playing hide and seek here!

Since we were in the Lake District we had to go walk by a lake. So many to choose from.....we chose Ullswater Lake.

Then we hiked to Aira Force Waterfall

Dinner in Ambleside again. Tonight was thai.

Day 3. 

Had to take a picture of some of our drive. So pretty.

We stopped at Kirkstall Abbey. Unfortunately it was closed.